How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
