they need to just BURY HIM!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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