I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
