All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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