so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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