If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're a waste of cheezeits
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
