Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
