There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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