I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
