I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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