Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
