im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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