Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
