In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
