I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
