cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She bit a glass in half.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
