..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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