He uses pillows to masturbate.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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