I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She said her name was "party"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My feet surprised me
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