I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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