Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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