I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
