It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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