Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
