nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
