4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
