Having a random hookup so left but love u
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
