i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
