I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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