I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have to summon your inner elephant
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
