does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
