Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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