she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
