you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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