went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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