I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
