there's paper in my vomit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
