Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
