Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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