in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
