She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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