And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
