we have officially lost it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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