"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
