I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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