Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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