if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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