3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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