I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
