my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
