And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
