I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just invented taco cereal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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