i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
