Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
