We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
