Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize