god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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