Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
