hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
