Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had to cum in my sink.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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