I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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