I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
