So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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