We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
