I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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