The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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