You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
