Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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