So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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