new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
