I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
