Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
