just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
