My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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