i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
