If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
